How much abuse?

Hope has been my friend for 28 years.  She sometimes tells me about the abuse she endured at the hands of her father.  Sometimes her father would throw wrenches at her as she ran away.  One time he pushed her off the balcony and she broke her leg when she fell.  Sometimes he would take her out to breakfast, order himself bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, and orange juice and order her a cup of hot chocolate.  She sat there and watched him eat every last bite, and then he demanded a “thank you”.  Hope didn’t realize she was abused.  She thought every father treated their children that way.  It wasn’t until she met my father that she realized they aren’t all like that.  She made a decision when she had children to set clear boundaries for herself on how she would discipline them.  She wanted to stop the cycle of abuse and needed to set those boundaries before the need arose to use discipline.  She knew that if she did not set those boundaries, then they would likely be crossed, since that is all she knew.

Like Hope, we need to draw the line in the sand.  We need to decide what is abuse, how much will we take, how much can we give, before it is too much.  We need to make that decision in all our relationships: about our spouses, our children and even our employers.  I made the decision when I was a teenager that no man would ever strike me.  I set boundaries on how to discipline my children and I knew what practices I would never use.  We should make these decisions before having a spouse or children so that when it comes down to the line in the sand we do not cross it, and we do not allow others to cross it. 

Let’s do an exercise.  I have provided a list of abusive behavior of children by their parents.  I will give you just a minute to look at this list and decide at what point this parent can be classified as “abusive”.  For example, do they have to do all 10 of them before you would classify them as abusive?  Only 1? 51%?  What is the line in the sand for you personally?  Everyone will have a different number, there is no right or wrong.  Just make a decision and write that number on the paper.

… add a zero and a percent sign.  Since there are 10, if for example you choose 4, you would have drawn the line at 40%. 

When people don’t draw the line, then it increases the likelihood that they will permit abuse.

There is something called Stockholm Syndrome, and Abused Wife Syndrome.  This is when the abused has not set boundaries, are abused, and they think it is OK, or normal, they still trust and feel affection for their abuser because they don’t realize what the rest of humanity realized long ago, that they are being abused. 

246 years ago a group of friends got together and made a list of abusive behavior that they would not tolerate.  They made the list, and signed their names to it.  They pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to this list.  They called these abusive behaviors “absolute tyranny” and resolved to not allow abusive behavior from their mother country.  10 of those items are on your list, with “parent” replacing “King”, and “child” replacing “colonists”.   I have taught over 300 people the Declaration of Independence class and they highlighted

They range anywhere from 60%-70%.  Being conservative,

Of the students I have taught, from their perspective, they all agree that our government has breeched at least 60% of the “absolutely tyrannical” actions that our founders put on the list of things they thought government should never do. 

So I ask you the same question I asked a moment ago.  At what point do you consider our current relationship abusive or “absolute tyranny”?  I submit to you that it is the same as the number you wrote down a moment ago.  If that is enough to consider a parent abusive, then it should be enough to consider a government abusive. 

I suggest we stop accepting the abuse and tyranny that is being piled upon us.  May I suggest we stop acting like we have Abused Wife Syndrome or Stockholm Syndrome.  That means that we stop tolerating abuse, and that we stop our devotion to our abuser.  Since for most of us, our line is not clearly drawn in the sand, may I suggest we use the same list our founders used in 1776.  When the abuse and tyranny reach the percentage you wrote down, then you can know that you have an abusive and tyrannical government.  Stop justifying, stop showing your affection and devotion to the abuser.  You wouldn’t tolerate your friend staying with an abusive spouse, so why should you tolerate the same behavior in your government?  I invite you to stop submitting to abuse.  I invite you to stop complying.  Stop complying with illegal mandates, government overreach, and attempts at control over your life and the life of your children. 

Examples of abusive behavior

How many items must a parent do from this list before you’d consider them an abusive parent? _____ 

1.     Pay siblings to beat up their siblings. 

2.     Seek out people to invite into your house to harass and bully your child

3.     Allow other abusive parents to come into the house and abuse your children

4.     Allowing abuse (sexual or physical) and protecting the abuser from consequences.

5.     Taking the children’s toys, bedding, and clothes and giving it away without provocation

6.     Refusing to protect them (or even laughing) when kids come to beat them up and bully them

7.     Intentionally destroy their homework assignments so they fail their classes

8.     Spread false and destructive rumors about them to their friends

9.     Hire someone to come kill your child

10.                        Remove their bed and force your child to sleep outside